Today, we got out in the garden. It was great.
Over the winter, Little Paddler and I have been stuck indoors. I have tuned out a good bit. I have to admit, I do a wonderful impression of an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand. But in the process, I found myself getting down. Feeling like a failure in the smallholding enterprise. Like I was letting the garden and my animals down. Letting the Little Paddler down by not getting her out and about and stuck in to nature. Instead we read books and watch nursery rhymes and sing along. I feel guilty for using a television babysitter. Letting Mr. Fairweather down because he goes to work to earn a living and I feel like I do nothing. Some days I just try not to cry.
I know that these thoughts are not the most optimistic. And probably not the fairest either. Who can be on top of their game all the time? I am stuck in a bit of a cycle.
But today, the weather was beautiful. We came back from running errands in town and started looking for worms. An old favourite. At some stage we stopped to throw on wellies and waterproofs on to the Little Paddler. We collected eggs and cleaned out the hen house. We pulled weeds in the flower beds and I started thinking about what other flowers might be nice to try this year.
We even started in to clearing out the polytunnel. I pulled weeds, while the Little Paddler dug a sand pit for herself. I turned my back for a few minutes. I could hear her chatting away. Then something started to register. “Is this funny?” “Is this funny?” “Is this funny?” I turned around. She was filling a flower pot with dirt and emptying it over her head. And then repeating the process. It was hard to be angry with her. She was clearly enjoying herself no end. And what harm really?
But the polytunnel was dusty and the beds looked tired so I took a notion and off my dusty toddler and I trotted up the road to visit a neighbouring farmer. Did they per chance have any rotted down dung from the sheep that I could use? I would pay. They did. They didn’t want payment. They just wanted it put to use. I could do that. I think we’ll bake a cake to say thank you all the same.
We strolled on back. Mr. Fairweather met us along the road on his way home and gave us a lift. Little Paddler fell asleep in my arms waiting for the water to heat up for a bath. It was a good day. Today was a break in the cycle.